Processing your Feelings

💓 Emotional literacy & regulation

Page Contents

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Understanding Emotions & Feelings

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During heartbreak, multiple emotions are likely moving through you at once and this can make it difficult to identify what you are feeling.

First let’s start by clarifying the difference between emotions and feelings:

emotions are conscious mental reactions (six primary emotions)
feelings are your experience, reaction and interpretation of those emotions

To start to untangle this within yourself, sit with your emotions, name them, and allow them to move through you. if emotions are pushed down or avoided, they tend to resurface later. your mind and body need time to process what has happened so try to be patient with yourself as you learn to navigate this.

The table below outlines the six primary emotions to help you understand and identify what emotions you are experiencing, what they might be protecting and what you might need in response to them.

Emotion	What it might be protecting	What you might need
Anger	Boundaries, self-respect, dignity	• Expression (movement, writing, talking)
• Validation (this was not okay)
• Distance from the person or narrative that harmed you	Anger often masks deeper emotions (hurt, rejection, grief). it needs expression and boundaries not suppression or explosion
Disgust	Your standards, self-respect, boundaries or instincts	• Distance
• Reinforcement of your standards
• Permission to trust your instincts
• A reminder that not tolerating something isn’t harsh - it’s self-protection	Disgust often shows up when something has violated your values.
Fear	Your safety, attachment bond, fear of being alone or need for certainty	• Grounding (breathing, nature)
• Predictability (routine, structure)
• Self-reassurance	Fear after a breakup is often less about the person and more about the unknown
Happiness	Your resilience, capacity for hope, relief or readiness to move forward	• Permission to feel good without guilt
• To notice what feels lighter
• To build on what feels energising	Sometimes happiness after a breakup signals something heavy has lifted
Sadness	Connection, attachment, meaning, loss of something that mattered	• Rest
• Comfort (physical or emotional)
• Permission to feel without fixing	Sadness often reveals what truly mattered. it needs permission and compassion not fixing or rushing
Surprise	Your expectations of how things should have gone, your sense of predictability or your identity inside the relationship	• Time to integrate what happened
• Gentle reality checks
• Slowing down reactive decisions
• Space before interpretation	Surprise often turns into other emotions (anger, sadness, fear) once it settles. it needs integration not reaction

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Processing Emotions & Feelings

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Equipped with your understanding from the section above, you can use the emotions wheel below to track your emotional responses during this time.

This can help you to:

Identify patterns and triggers
Understand what your emotions are signaling
And respond to yourself more intentionally rather than reactively

Over time this builds awareness, emotional regulation and self-understanding.

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Emotions Wheel Headings:

Trigger: what caused the emotional response
Primary emotion: select one from six
Secondary emotion: can choose multiple options
What this might be protecting: see table above for examples
What do I need right now: see table above for examples </aside>

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How to Edit the Emotions Wheel:

Click individual boxes like the one containing the text “what set this off” to edit. some boxes have built-in selections, others require you to add text.
Click “+ New page” to add a new line
To delete a line, hover your mouse to the left of the Trigger column and click the box that appears. Select that box and click the trash can from the menu that appears. </aside>

Emotions Wheel